To teach, I need to design new class baskets to keep it interesting, order the materials, plan days on end of kit making, send in proposals, play the dance of getting them accepted, have the classes fill, pack up 3 large suitcases, and travel (often by air) to the event, negotiate hotels and car rentals, and eventually teach.
To work as a fiber artist, I need time to dream, create, play in my studio, and spend many, many and then many more hours working on projects.
The "dis-ease" I've been struggling with is the sense that the time I'm currently spending on each of these two activities is not in alignment with my internal clock, or needs, or whatever that elusive thing is that tells me that I'm not doing what I need/want/must to do.
The only solution I can come up with, since my life didn't come with an instruction manual, is to make a change, such as limiting future teaching events a bit, and see by trial and error if I can reach the comfortable spot, the perfect balance point - my personal pivot point, where all is in balance. Obviously this is a struggle for me. Back to those words of balance, equilibrium, and feeling centered.